I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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