I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
