Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
