forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
