Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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