She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I got inside last night via doggy door
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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