She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
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