I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
