I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
