I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
