omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize