So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
