You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
