It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
