He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
