That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My bed smells like the plague
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
