I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
