is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Randomize
