i just wanna soil my oats bro
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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