I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just found puke in my bra..
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
