You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
