I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
