This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
