My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
