can u get pink eye on your cock?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
