but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
