Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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