So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
