she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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