who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
