Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Jerry, you need to find god
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
