is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
