My balls are so social today.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
