using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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