The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So vagazzling was a success
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
