It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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