just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
you inspire me to be a worse person
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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