So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
