I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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