farters have to be the big spoon...
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
