Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
My cat gives me a boner
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
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its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
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dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.