Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
ttyl tear gas
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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