i jhust puked up my retainher.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize