I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
