After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize