I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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