Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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