I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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