Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
