after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
