He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
