whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
