I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
