Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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