what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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