I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
