I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
