How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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