you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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