____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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