She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
