I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
