i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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