dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
