i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
