we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
