five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
is wine microwaveable?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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