Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
