Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
