3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
