the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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