Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
